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This time the previous year, I was on a TV programme in the company of three performers. Present were a rapper of Ghanaian heritage, a well-known pop singer, plus a renowned mezzo-soprano. It was deep midwinter. Just the night prior, I’d been at an old friend’s 60th birthday, packed into a local bar's party area in the Surrey region. It had been a good night, however at that moment, simply to make conversation, I wondered how it was possible to avoid catching a cold when half the people at the party were players in a symphony of coughs, sneezes, snuffles and nose-blows. Incidentally, how come some people have nose-blows like trumpets, and some do not? Something to explore later.

The Response by the Singers

Upon referencing the party, the group of artists in the TV green room took two actions. Firstly, they edged away from me. Second, they engaged in a feverishly enthusiastic discussion on how to avoid catching colds which understandable due to their profession was a major concern for them. I understand that, but I have skin in this game too – I must avoid colds at all costs because the colds I get are worse than anyone else’s. I lack official documentation, yet I'm certain it's factual. My illnesses drag on. I experience worse nasal blockage, I have a more irritated throat, I suffer from louder, more relentless coughing spells. My relatives, wise to the couple of quick throat-clearances indicating trouble ahead, sometimes banish me or leave themselves. Back when I presented football on ITV, the unfortunate crew in the control room grew attuned to the warning signs. “Cans off!” the director would shout to everyone before I deafened them all, blowing the wiring in their headphones.

Managing Blocked Noses

As for my blocked noses, don’t start me. Aerosols, liquids, including the intense vapor from heated brandy my mom advocates … they provide temporary relief before giving up. And there’s nothing as pitiable as a Midlands dialect spoken without the benefit of air passing through the nostrils. That is, it sounds a bit nasally restricted at the best of times. At least this elicits sympathy, which isn’t always a good thing. In my first year away at university, away from my mum and her medicinal brandy, the cleaning staff at our accommodation showed me kindness. “I have the perfect solution, you poor thing. I’ll be back in a minute.” She was wonderfully sweet, with a strong Irish accent, and demanded I eat the peeled, raw onion she brought to my sickbed. She observed me eating it. Bless her. No improvement resulted, unfortunately, apart from sending my guts into raptures and making my breath smell terrible.

The Vocalist’s Prevention Strategy

So no, I despise catching colds and am convinced prevention beats cure that traditional or modern, don’t work. I paid close attention then along with the rapper and the pop star while she explained her health practices. Due to upcoming holiday performances, she was highly committed. She commanded us to use hand gel hourly all winter long as far as I could deduce and, there were special precautions required when it came to parties and what not. Prior to socializing, she recommended a couple of blasts of a preventive product into both nostrils – even if healthy. Intense. I appreciated it. And, get this, she mandated a second dose post-event with more spray of the product.

My Experience

I followed suit. And I can report I didn't sniffle all winter. It wasn't perfect: the many containers I acquired, lost, repurchased, rediscovered, etc. And the disappointing instant when you discover you've crushed the hand sanitizer kept in your jeans and it's oozing out. Nevertheless, a small cost for the benefit. With winter returning, I'm stocked up with the mezzo-soprano’s recommended ordnance. I’m ready for battle.